I'm bleeding and it's halal.

This is going to be a long one ... or not ! Depending on how my hormones are acting up.

Asalam alaikum dear readers . This is going to be a post that has a tone of anger, love , disdain and lots of emotions . Why? Tbh , I don't feel like telling you anymore 😕. Blame it on the hormones!

I'm here to lecture you or just shove it down your throats (whichever works faster) about what the menstrual cycle is all about ! And not the one you learnt on Google (because you wanted to prove to your crush that you understand a woman's body) or the knowledge you just had to acquire because you have 30 sisters . I'm talking about the ones you don't hear because it's difficult to understand or just because it's not said enough.

Let's start with the chief deceiver (I'm not talking about shaitan) . Those darn sanitary pads ads 😢 😭(always , eyin gangan ni mo'un bawi) . Before i understood what periods were all about , these ads made it look beautiful, healthy and stress free . I remember correctly the blue and pink uniforms (I always wanted to wear that and do the all-back they always(you get it) did) the girls are jumping and happy because they used an always pad and I thought to myself ; if I used an always pad ,I would be as happy as they were . Iro lasan (in Dr Sharoff's voice) . It wasn't like that at all. And let me explain why.

First, I did get an always pad(good pr from always 👏 ) i didnt have a pink and blue uniform or had an all-back hairstyle (I went to a government boarding school) so you should understand that our uniform colors were as pale and dull as the economy's problem and we all cut our hair ( yes, females included, the all is there for a reason 😑😒🙄) . So that could be the reason why my period was not as fun as those I watched on TV. I started to question my previous beliefs ...why didnt I want to jump and dance around like those girls ? Why did I curl up at the corner of my bed and wish someone would remove my entire system just so the pain could stop? Why wasn't I excited to go to school like they were? Why wasn't I as carefree as they were? What happened?

As if their ads were not enough ...they came to our school . I remember it like it was yesterday . All females were called into the school dining hall (the last I checked ,boys don't do periods) and we were all excited (including mumu me who was deceived by their ads) . They taught us everything and nothing at the same time. They taught how to use a pad , how to dispose it and what pad is good and what pad isn't ( we know it's ladycare you used as a sample for bad pads oooooo) , how to calculate your next period, what food to eat and what not to eat . They didnt teach us the mood swings ,the bad cramps (put bad intentionally because it's actually baddd) , the low energy , the bloated stomach , the loss of appetite , the low confidence that comes with it , the constant fear that you have stained and the sudden fear for anything red ( relax zaynab,it's just a red beret, not your blood).

Well... it's safe to say that I'm no longer an always fan anymore.

Now to the present. I'm older now , I should have it figured out ! Right ? Wrong ! Mrs Adebayo and Co , it doesn't get better with time or less painful . It becomes more chaotic. Let me explain!

Let's start with the deen : it's Monday, you're fasting because you know the importance of Monday fasts . You have woken up, observed your tahajjud , eaten you sahur , read some verses of the quran and your day suddenly feels brighter because you're starting off good . You've observed fajr ,observed duha ,observed zuhr , observed asr and few minutes past 6 ,you don't suddenly feel good , your stomach starts feeling funny and flo app( I don't use that app though, I don't need a reminder to tell me how chaotic few days ahead would be ) already told you to be expecting HER today or tomorrow and now you're sad ,angry and frustrated about this bloody visitor. You're scared to check and you know it's not avoidable. You did ,and now your Monday fast rewards gone! Just like that! Couldn't you wait ? 😭

Or should I remind you about the detachment you feel whenever the lady in red comes to visit. No solah, no fasts ,some even said you can't read or touch the quran ( I don't belong to that school of thought though) and you're wondering 🤔: what exactly would I do during this period? Some would say adkhar and dhikr . I agree , but could it compare to sujood when your heart is heavy ? could it compare to that period when you break your fast? Or when you perform ablution and you're washing away your sins with every wipe ? It doesnt compare . You're someone whose whole day revolves around solah : By fajr ,i would have done this and that , before maghrib I would have finish this surah, I would read my quran by asr . Its an order by Allah, I understand, but the void that is left is still something I'm trying to figure out. I'm grateful to Allah and I'm always in awe of His Mercy because I can't imagine going through stomach cramps on solah and thats when the imam wants to start his surah baqarah recitation 😭😭😭😭 ( woh, blood will flow , and it won't be from me ). Or is it when the cravings attack and I'm fasting ? Allahu Akbar!

Then there is the productivity aspect . You're just there . You don't want to do anything , you can't do anything actually. You feel weaker than you used to . Suddenly house chores feels like a mountain load of work , you can't read anything because your brain is thinking of ways to numb this pain and not how to read "what is crime" ? Like a bag of potato 🥔, you're just lying down for hours now and you have no explanation asides that your body feels comfortable in that position. One wrong shift and you're dead !

Or should I introduce you to the drama queen of all time ?

CRAMPS!

AHHHHHHH!

OMGGGGGG!

YEHHHHHHH!

Its not as bad as you think it is actually. It is worse than what you are thinking. Whoever said cramps aren't that painful or ladies are just being dramatic should ask Allah for istighfar( and I'm not joking about that) it hurts . A lot. Its excruciating, it's painful, it's a menace and it doesnt matter whether you take sugar or not ,it doesnt care if you're in class and you're trying to understand what the lecturer is saying , it doesnt give a damn if your crush is talking to you and you're trying not to clench your fists and bite down on your lips to keep the pain from spreading further. It doesnt care that you have to fetch water to the second floor from the ground floor, it doesnt care that you want to read. It just comes, like a huge blow to a delicate flower , it radiates your whole body like a morning sun , it moves around like a slithering snake. First, its your stomach ,now it's your back and before you know it ,your legs are vibrating in a weird way. How do I explain to people that my funny way of walking is not because I'm auditioning for "all of us are dead " season 2 (I'm still waiting for that btw) but because it's the only way I can fool that woman (it have reach to call her that name) so she won't bother me . And the comments that annoys me is when guys notice you're in discomfort and they already suspect it's cramps and they are like : "you know what can stop menstrual cramps? Pregnancy."

Broooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Are you for real?

I should leave frying pan and enter fire?

Thank you ! I would manage like that.

And sometimes , even girls don't help , you're there fighting for your life and thats when one girl decides to say what nobody asked her : oh ,you guys experience cramps? I never experienced it at all ooo . I don't even know how it feels at all and I eat plenty sugar oooo " .

Girlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Are you serious rn?

What happened 😕 to women supporting women!

If you don't shut that mouth , I'll give you something painful to experience.

I get it! You have privileges, but don't you dare shove that in my face !

And to think you still have to get up , go to class, do chores, and smile at everyone like your insides aren't on fire! Did I hear someone say: what do you bring to the table?

Your entire generation mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Have i mentioned cravings ? this is a monster on its own .

Tell me why I'm craving bread and akara when I have all the food I could think of in my wardrobe? Why do I suddenly want sweet things like chocolates, lollipop ,soda and even raw sugar!

Koyemi nah 😢 😭 😿 .

Why do fried fish suddenly taste horrible and i want to take a bite out of raw meat? Why do I want something spicy? ( I hate spicy foods) why do I want ice cream and not cake but don't mind ice cream cake? Why is the akara and bread i finally got not worth it but i enjoyed it nonetheless? And somebody somewhere thinks when a woman talks about cravings during periods , she means chocolate only ( laugh with me ) . We mostly say that because if we actually said what we craved ...you would think us crazy ( not like you didn't already ). So chocolate feels like a safe option. So dear friend...it's raw meat I want , not bounty chocolate 😬

Mood swings? My family are victims of this particular emotion. I pity my younger brother the most 😪 especially when most of us in the house are on our periods at the same time (yeah, periods do sync, scary ) and everybody is just shouting at him for no reason 😑 ( we love you bro) . You're happy now and the next minute you remember one stupid decision you made few weeks ago and now you're angry and frustrated. You can’t buckle your shoe and in a blink of an eye , you start crying . Your crush commented on how beautiful you look and you think he's been sarcastic because you feel bloated and you feel you look like a balloon and now you're sad . And in trying to control these emotions , you feel numb and the indifferent face comes on.

The oily face? Swollen face? Bloated stomach? Acne and pimples? I can't mention it all, it's exhausting tbh .

And then you see them advertise pad and talk about menstruation like it's a walk in a park 🙄 you see them dancing and singing like they won a lottery ticket or something (bfr) . And you're wondering: is this the same period I'm experiencing? Or is it this easy for other people? Why is mine different? Is it the food ? Weather? Or just hereditary?

And the extravagant price of pads ? Let's just forget that for now because we don't even have a choice. And when I see people who don't have money to afford such outrageous pads , I feel bad , my heart feels heavy , imagine going through all that and still having to wash bloody clothes and napkins . Subhanallah!

Let the world be kinder to us abegggggg!

And there is the post menstrual and pre menstrual wahala (yeah, I'm tired too) and it doesnt even end with menstruation, there is pregnancy ( i heard its like nothing you ever felt) menopause and all that. Glory be to Allah!

So be a little kinder to us, (guys and girls included ) , I've seen guys act immature and stupid concerning women on periods . They laugh when her clothes get stained, call her dirty and says she stinks of blood, dismiss her pain and say she's just dramatic, tell her her cravings are unrealistic and she's just faking it for attention. I've heard girls say: didn't I also menstruate? Its not as difficult as you're making it out to be! Stop pretending! Pick me girl!

Be kinder, be more supportive, rub her belly if you can, help her heat water, help her with little chores around the house, cook what she's craving. Its a bloody phase !

Thank you for reading 📚!

P.s

This is not a cue for guys to start acting creepy around girls and trying to act all supportive and all. Leave her alone biko! Go and help your sisters at home and if you don't have one, wait till you get married. Don't turn a girl's cycle into a way to practice what you read and creep her out.

Later guyssssssss

Bye 👋 👋